Addiction and the Calling
My ‘calling’ was masked by addiction. I wonder how many people could also be masking their ‘calling’ by such escapism?
As a recovering alcoholic, addictive behaviour is something I know all too well, together with the co-dependency behaviour that inevitably surrounded me. I believe my experience with alcohol and the realisation that ‘there is no escape that way’ led to my ‘calling’.
My calling was to become a Sangoma (drum in Zulu). In a mystical process, the Sangoma is one who is selected by the ancestors (spirit) and called to the task of healer, priest, counsellor, and diviner. Channelling and the ancient art of ‘throwing and interpreting the bones’ are used as forms of divination. Muti (medicine) is used in the form of herbs, tree bark, and certain animal derivatives. The esteemed Sangoma is seen as having been chosen by the ancestors as the connection between the living, the Ancestors, and Ngunkulu (the Creator). This is in keeping with the African concept of all creation forming one harmonious unity.
In my initial search for some ‘glimpse’ of inner peace some 30 years ago, I sought guidance from another Sangoma and which revealed how I was masking my calling in favour of addiction. I ignored this initial advice, seeking escape in all kinds of jobs, in travel, and in oblivion. Many days and nights passed in a blur. At times I was led into dangerous situations or risky behaviour, but it seemed as if some guiding spirit or angel was protecting me, as I survived to drink another day. One day it finally became clear that there was nowhere else to run to: the stark choice was between answering the call and death.
One does not decide on a career as an addict. Addiction, like a cunning selection board, chooses the individual. Similarly, you do not wake up one day and decide to be a Sangoma or follow any other spiritual path – the ‘calling’ chooses you.
When the word addiction comes up, it is seen in the mind’s eye as relating to hard drugs, sex, or alcohol when, in fact, there are myriad other forms of addiction, just as sneaky and pernicious. Some are of a more ‘subtle’ nature, as I’ve discovered in my practice, and these are masked as obsessive tidiness, cleanliness, and controlling behaviour – very destructive to the addict and to those around them. However diverse the lives of different addicts may be, we all have this one thing in common, we are powerless over the object of our obsession.
Addiction involves other kinds of destructive, obsessive, repetitive behaviour, generally accompanied by an absolute denial of the problem. There are those people who plunge into insane work routines to avoid having to deal with their feelings. Others take refuge in so much shopping that they run up gigantic debts. Some people are so terrified of offending others they hide any anger even from themselves, whilst others eat and/or vomit in secret. Another pattern common to these is the absolute necessity of deception, and therefore usually of telling lies.
My mentor would refer to those in their obsessive states as ‘those ones that have run away’. She felt they were suppressing their very life force and emotions. She would explain to me how their emotions had been generally suppressed from childhood years, as the child strove to conform in a desperate search for love and approval from peers and family.
Substance abuse appears to be gaining power amongst the original tribes and inhabitants of many countries such as Australia, Canada, the USA, and South Africa, where these people have until recently lived within a structured society and a familiar order. They now feel as if they are losing their sense of identity and their valued traditions as confusion sets in as to their true calling. A feeling of disillusionment and alienation from their ancestral roots leaves them drifting with no sense of purpose.
Those deep thinkers examining the current human condition have stressed that when we are doing what we were born to do, there is no void in our soul. People who have survived addiction and are living some kind of spiritual programme often refer to the “Hole in the Soul” which bedevils the existence of the active addict.
In my life experience and work with many kinds of people from all ethnic groups, I’ve come to believe that all kinds of addictive behaviour fit into Jung’s conviction that an addict needs a spiritual awakening. Jung could have been talking about any obsessive behaviour when he wrote:
“His craving for alcohol was the equivalent, on a low level, of the spiritual thirst of our being for wholeness, expressed in medieval language: The union with God.”
Carl Jung
I see my calling and rescue from addiction as being what Jung called” a higher education of the mind beyond the confines of mere rationalism.” I’m not sure that I completely understand where it came from or where it will lead me, but know that it saved my life – both the physical and the spiritual parts of me. I’ve been set on Jung’s “path which leads to higher understanding”.
Sometimes I see the calling and my addiction as being two opposing sides of the same coin: Addiction is the dragging down and emptying of the soul, and appears to originate from darker influences. In contrast to this, the calling came to me as a call to rise; it came from the Ancestors who were guarding, guiding, and summoning me to the Light.
One other feature of addiction is that the addict faces a complete breakdown in communications with any being, especially with Spirit. The calling is the exact opposite of this because the ancestors are determined that the person being called should break out of this prison of silence and set up lines of communication. (And this would mean setting up lines of communication with spirit).
It was as if a great struggle took place between these two forces, each one pulling at me, trying to compel me to do its bidding. The forces of good won when I finally accepted that I needed to heed the call and take the higher path and to surrender the struggle. However, I never lose sight of the fact that addiction is a permanent condition, always waiting to pounce and reclaim possession of the soul. I continually ask the Ancestors for protection, and every day I once again commit myself to walking and working in the Light.
Some sangomas work with the forces of darkness, dispensing spells that will bring harm to people. My calling was to the Light, and all my efforts are directed at cleansing and healing and helping people to live in love and well-being. As a recovering addict, I know that my sobriety depends on staying away from resentments and hatred.
I am now convinced that when a person is doing what he/she was destined to do, the hole in the soul is no more. I believe that my acceptance of my calling in life and pursuit of this calling has been the greatest spiritual learning journey of all.
